Week3- Cause&Effect- NurayK''s Essay

University Life
You must have studied hard to get into a university. I think you were a succesful student at high school so that you have come to university. But why students fail to succeed at university[?]. There can be a lot of reasons for that but mainly, difficulty of life, adapting a new environment, friends and boy/girl friends, and lack of motivation are the main factors. [good; TS is clear, explicit, and also shows that this is a cause-effect essay]
First, university students usually go away from [their] families to study and they face a lot of difficulties and have to manage them by [take out] on their own. While they are trying to take this responsibility appropriately, they can’t totally focus on their lessons. This may result in failure. College students have to manage to live by themselves, this is hard for them because they (probably) didn’t have to do this job before [do you mean for the first time in their lives the sts have to face such a challenge?].
Secondly, adapting the new environment can seem better for students. Trying to be popular among friends, students can not keep control. As a consequence they get out of their target. This may bring another responsibility to study harder. I mean failure for some period. [your point is not very clear in this paragraph; what exactly is the factor that impedes students' academic performance?]
Next, we shouldn’t forget that college students are not “kids” so they may have boy/girl friends to go out for (long) hours. However, this also seem good but what if they argue or split up? This may affect a student deeply for this reason, usually [add an article] student does not study and fail. Classmates or other friends are the same as boy/girl friends so they may cause students fail, too. Long long hours chatting, spending long hours in cafes etc. [this clause reads incomplete; link it somehow]
After that college students need to keep up motivation. They need to study. Sometimes harder and harder [change it into a clause linked to the previous clause; i.e. as it is, it looks an incomplete sentence]. I mean difficult exam periods, homework assignments and projects are the obligations which may make students fed up. In short[,] work overload cause failure sometimes, so students should be careful. And [make it part of the clause] keep the motivation with some activities,with having fun and being encouraged by family.
In conclusion, being successful is difficult as a university student. However it is sometimes harder to keep on successfully because difficult life, adapting new environment and lack of motivation are main factors for failure. [some concluding remarks on how sts should overcome these obstacles??]

Nuray,
Good start, but later it seems you've jotted down the essay in a hurry; be careful with incomplete clauses.
The second cause (2nd par) may be written in a more effective way so that it can better explain what you're trying to say..
Revise it and then post again.
Thanks,