Week 4: Cause & Effect- Ebru's Essay

Understanding of university life
Every year, a lot of students want to enter university for their future and it is [add article] big dream for many students. When I have [tense!] prepared [add a prep]university exam, I could be [was] stressful and thinking about how can [take this out] my future life. That is [Tense] difficult part of my life. My dreams come [T] true but after the [out] getting in to university, some students courses can [may] failed [Gr; some sts may fail their courses] [subject inconsistency; my dreams and some sts- distorts the cohesion]. I believe that two important factors [that] lead to failure of university students are aware of choices [gr; do you mean not being aware of choices?] and responsibility [?; what leads to failure: responsibility or lack of responsibility?]. [Your intro is good, but be careful with the language: tense and grammar!..]

First of all, many students have not [gr] [art] very clear idea about their future education. To illustrate, when I was [prep] middle school, my family said that you [who?] became [T] a dentist. But I hated that this idea. [prep] End of the high school, I preferred teaching and won [wv] it. but some students [v] not aware of their own goals or aim.in this result [as a result], they can not development [wf; n- v] of themselves and create not [gr] good fields of study [?]. Thus they may not successes [wf; n- v] in their education.

Moreover, a lot of students do not care [prep] discipline. I think discipline means self control. it includes that [?] responsibilities themselves. That is to say, if you are students, you must do own homework or assignment but some students usually spend a minimum amount of time studying. Also , they do not like regularly attend in class and lessons. So they make mistake their homework or in exams.

To sum up, [in the light of] the above of the [out] information, I will say that every student must control themselves. They should care about their courses and responsibilities. thay should only know that what do [out] you [they; cohesion!] want about the future in education and their family or teacher can support theirs ideas.

Ebru,
Your ideas for the essay are good; you need to be more careful with the language to convey the ideas.
Thanks.

Here is your LFP. [you may want to aim at using more academic (AWL) and subject-specific (off-list) words]
Lexical Frequency Profile (LFP):
K1 words (1-1000): 87%
K2 words (1001-2000): 6%
AWL words (academic): 4%
Off-list words (subject-specific, technical, or misspelled words): 3%

2k types: aim_[1] attend_[1] discipline_[2] education_[3] hated_[1] information_[1] lessons_[1] lot_[2] mistake_[1] preferred_[1] regularly_[1] responsibilities_[2] responsibility_[1] self_[1]
AWL types: assignment_[1] aware_[2] create_[1] factors_[1] goals_[1] illustrate_[1] minimum_[1] stressful_[1] sum_[1]
OFF types: dentist_[1] exam_[1] exams_[1] homework_[2] successes_[1] thay_[1]